I Just Don’t Get It

Being raised an only child, I often found myself wondering what it would be like to have siblings.  I’m sure that if we had lived in town, I wouldn’t have though about it near as much, but since we lived in the country, it was more like “a girl and her dog”.  Most of my friends from school had older or younger siblings, even my mom and dad have siblings!  So, it was only natural that I would wonder what it was like right?

They used to say, “trust me, it’s not really that great”.  My mom would even tell me stories about how her brother had left her at school once because she wasn’t at the car when it was time to go!  I would hear things from my friends too about how there brother or sister would do things to them and I always just thought it was silly!  Why does it matter who sits in the front seat of the car, as long as you get IN the car!!

During the summers when I was growing up, my cousin (who lived in Lincoln at the time) would come out and stay with us to help out with irrigation, walking beans, chopping musk thistle, etc. To me, that was as close as it came to having a sibling.  It wasn’t bad, what is all the hype about??  We shared the basement, the bathroom and the Atari quite well.  I began to think that my friends were just doing something wrong.

One summer, however, something was different.  To this day, I don’t know what was different, but let’s just say that I ended up getting folded up in our hide a bed couch, and I just know that it wasn’t my fault….right???  At any rate, I started to think that maybe my friends were right.  I can also remember on one occasion when my aunt and uncle came to pick Jim up at the end of the summer, Jeff (Jim’s younger brother) decided that it would be a good time to chase me with frogs!!  Let me assure you, this was much more fun for the boys than it was for me!  However, looking back, that provided us with some wonderful memories, and I have since been told that if the opportunity ever arises again, he would chase me with a frog again….Great!

Something that I have struggled with as a mom for quite a while now is the “sibling dynamic”.  I don’t understand it and I doubt I ever will.  The reason that I bring it up is this…my kids.  One day, they are best friends and the next day I wouldn’t be able to pay them to get along!  I don’t understand.  One day, they are telling the world on Facebook how much love they have for one another, and the next, they are calling me telling me how much they hate each other!  I don’t understand.  My husband, who is the oldest of 4 kids assures me that this is normal.  HUH?!?!?

The fact of the matter is, I don’t think I will ever understand this simply because I didn’t grow up with anyone else always being around and “borrowing” my stuff.  Even though the disagreements seem silly and meaningless to me, to my kids they are obviously not and while I try very hard to understand, I fall so short to do so.  While it is frustrating for me because I don’t “get it”, it is equally frustrating for them because I don’t “get it!”  All three of them have told me that this is something that can not be explained, it has to be lived….That’s great, I’m doomed!

If I rubbed a magic lamp and a Genie popped out and said I could have only 1 wish, my wish would be this:  That my kids continue to love each other, that they remain close, even though the world will take them away from each other, that they will ALWAYS have each others backs NO MATTER WHAT, that they are happy and remember to share in each others joys and to be there for each other when times are tough, that they remember where they came from, to remember that they were created out of love, to be kind to each other.  Most of all though, my wish is that they appreciate each other.  Appreciate the bonds of sisters, grow closer together as you get older, don’t loose touch with one another and NEVER EVER take one another for granted.  That last one’s tricky!!

As a parent, we do our very best to give our kids the best of everything, and even somethings that we ourselves growing up didn’t have.  The thing that I gave my kids was each other.  I might not “get it”, but I do know that it is a truly wonderful gift…it can be fragile, so handle with care ❤

Sibling relationships outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship.  They flourish in a thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth loyalty and distrust. ~ Erica E. Goode

It Really Is A Big Deal!

I told you in my first blog post that I am adopted and I also told you that I would talk more about that later.  Well, it’s later!!  In recent days, adoption has been at the front of my brain and it is simply just because I have learned of a couple of other people in my town that are also adopted.  I don’t know why, but I always find this interesting.

My adoption has never been a “big deal” in the sense that I don’t go around telling everyone that I meet or shouting it from the hilltops, but I also don’t keep it a secret either.  It has never been a secret, it’s one of those things that you just know, ya know?  I never really thought too much about it, oh sure, growing up I had questions, but all of our extended family always treated me the same as they did everyone else so why did I have any reason to think that being adopted was a “big deal”?

When I began a family of my own, my thoughts about my adoption changed.  My first thought was that this was my first blood relative that I know!  What a weird thought huh??  I had never really thought about searching for my bio parents, I already have parents and I love them…I didn’t have a “need” for any more.  My husband told me that maybe I should, if for nothing else than a health history, which I thought wasn’t a bad idea either.  Admittedly hesitant, the search began.  It’s hard to believe that was 13 years ago!

I don’t want to bore you with all of the details, so fast forward.  My bio mom was located, we exchanged letters and arranged to meet.  My mom, husband, and kids all went with me and we met up in Lincoln, had lunch and just got acquainted.  I won’t lie, it was stressful but informative (on sooo many levels) all at the same time.  We found out that I was her 3rd child out of 5, the younger 2 (a boy and a girl) came with her to lunch.  We talked about health history, after all that was the reason that all of this started!  After the meal, my mom, kids and hubby went back to our motel, talked a little about lunch and honestly, that was that!

Staying in touch with her proved, shall we say, interesting.  I would write letters that would go unanswered, however, my younger “sister” did come and stay with us for a couple of weeks and when we took her back home, that was the only other time we have seen the bio’s, and let me just say, that is OK!  One of the last correspondence that I had with them was a birthday card that was sent to me.  This was a defining moment for me…I opened it up only to find that “bio mom” couldn’t even sign her own name to the card!!  At that moment, I decided that trying to keep in contact with her was not in anyone’s best interests and again, I will say that is OK!

After coming back from taking our house guest home, we stopped at my parents house.  When I saw them, I went to them and hugged them as tight as I could, shed some tears and thanked them.  They may not have given birth to me, but they definitely gave me LIFE, and trust me, there is a difference!  For that, I will forever be grateful to them.

The rest of that weekend, I spent a lot of time in meditation about how my life would have been had it not been for my adoption.  I would have not had the opportunity to grow up on a farm in rural Nebraska, I would not have made the friends that I have, gone to the school I did, honestly, there is a good possibility that I may not have even graduated!!  I thought about my parents, a lot, about how without them, I would not be the person that I am today.  It has been said that family is not about blood, but who wants you in theirs.  I believe that to be true.

My hubby, the one who started this whole process, was beside me every step of the way, and that is something that I will owe him for forever!  Needless to say, I am grateful everyday for the way things turned out, for how my life is today.  Am I glad that I did it, sure.  Am I upset that I no longer have contact with “bio mom”, nope!  My adoption was a wonderful thing and continues to be a wonderful thing to this day and I am truly blessed.  I guess being adopted is a “Big deal” after all!!