On the first Wednesday of each month, our church has a carry in pot luck lunch for retired people, or people 55 or older, it’s called the Retired Persons Lunch Bunch. Now, even though I am not 55 or retired, because I am the church secretary, I am invited to lunch…just one of the “perks” of the job! This month, we were given a piece of paper and told to write our name, date of birth, and something that no one else knows about us. The first two are pretty easy, obviously, but something that no one else knows about me, that’s a tough one.
I have always thought of myself as a pretty open book, at least since I have been an adult. But this activity really got me thinking about “stuff”. In my last post, I shared about our son, who is transgender. I shared the post from this website to my Facebook page, and shortly after that I received a text message from a friend. I was so relieved to get this text, because there were a few people who I felt like they might be hurt if they didn’t hear it from me personally, and this friend was one of them. Quite the contrary…she expressed her love for us, ALL of us, and support and her happiness that Andrew was happy as well, FINALLY! I texted her back and told her how happy I was that she finally “knew” and that I had wanted to tell her, but life gets in the way and it just didn’t work out that way. Her response was this: “No worries, I know how the rumor mill in this town works so I didn’t form an opinion either way until I knew for sure. Now I do, and nothing has changed, we still love you and your family.” Pretty cool right?!
I have thought about that statement a lot since then. It was pretty obvious from her comment that there had been, and I’m sure still are rumors going around about us, mainly my son. I get it, rumors and gossip, it’s a way of life, for some it’s like a drug, they get a high from it, from hearing to spreading, all the while, not really caring whether or not it is even true, and certainly not trying to find out!
That brings me back to that activity, writing down something no one else knows about me. There were several around that table that, I don’t think, know that I have a transgender son, but there were also several who do. Either way, I don’t think that would have been an appropriate way of “coming out”. However, if someone sitting around that table has heard “the rumors”, if they asked me, I would gladly answer, “Yes”. There is a tricky balance in the fact that, you don’t have anything to hide, so to speak, but at the same time, you are a parent and you still need to protect your child. It is hard to understand, and even harder to explain to an “outsider”, for lack of a better word, and even more so when their mind and heart is not open.
In every situation, there is always good to be found. The good that I am hoping for in this situation is this: If you have a question, just ask me, seriously, especially where my children are concerned. It takes an awful lot to offend me, and quite honestly, I will have a great deal of respect for you because you asked!! That’s what being transparent means, being unmistakable, plain, clear…HONEST. After all, I am a “trans” parent…so I had better live up to it!
Keeping it Real 