Saturday May 9th, my phone rings at 6:40 pm. It’s the lady from one of our local flower shops telling me that she has a delivery for me and was wondering if I was home. How exciting!! The delivery came and it was a beautiful arrangement of fresh flowers from my kids in Oregon for Mother’s Day. Jesse (the boyfriend) even got his name on the card! Talk about making a mom’s heart melt. Mother’s Day was the next day, and just like last year, and they year before that, my kids were over a thousand miles away.
In early October of 2019, on a very cold and windy morning we got a phone call that changed our lives considerably. Mark’s nephew needed a place to stay, things were not going well where he was and could he come and stay with us…let me add that he is 2 years old!! Mark and I had been empty nesters for going on 5 years, and our youngest is 23 so it has been a few years since we have had a toddler in the house other than just for a few hours! At any rate, the decision was not an easy one to come too. The relationship between us and Mark’s side of the family had been uneasy for quite sometime and we were essentially strangers to this little person. We all know, or have some idea of what a mess the foster care system is, so we decided that since he had to go somewhere, it might as well be with us. May actually makes the 7 month mark that he’s been with us and my how our lives have changed. He has grown, and learned, and so have we. We are still not sure how long he will be with us, but he is welcome for however long he needs to be. 
On Mother’s Day, Mark made pancakes and bacon for breakfast and for most of the morning we just lounged around, it was nice. Mark had somehow, gotten me flowers…I really am not sure how he did it, I thought we were together all day the day before, but I guess I don’t need to know. That is part of the reason that man amazes me, I don’t know how he does what he does…it’s pretty amazing. Anyway- the sun finally came out for awhile so we ventured outside to play. Mark asked me if there was anything I’d like to do for Mother’s Day. Since we are in the midst of a pandemic (COVID-19), I chuckled and said “not sure what we would do since everything is closed.” I did however decide that a DQ Blizzard would hit the spot. By the time we got ready to go, it was close enough to supper time that we decided to just grab a burger…to go with our ice cream! Drive-thru of course, with food and treats in hand, we went and sat in the pick up just off the interstate at one of the interstate lakes and watched the traffic, ate our food, and just enjoyed the moment. It was nice, but I had felt a bit “funky” all day, couldn’t really put a finger on why I was feeling this way.
As we are driving home, Izayah (our nephew) looks up at me, yawns, and says, “I tired.” First time he’s ever admitted it!! A minute later, I look over and he is zonked…nothing more precious than a sleeping baby. It was at that moment, looking into his sleeping face, I finally figured out what my problem was.
At the beginning of this, you will remember that I had gotten flowers on Saturday from the kids in Oregon. It just so happens that earlier that day, Mark and I had gotten to meet Jesse’s parents who were driving (delivering Jesse’s motorcycle…the things we do for our kids) from Georgia to Bend!!! Their half way point was in Nebraska…the town where we live, so it was only a given that we would meet them…yes, even in the midst of a pandemic! This makes the 3rd year in a row that Jesse’s mom has been to Bend for Mother’s Day, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little jealous about that.
Mark had noticed, as he always does, that I seemed a bit out of sorts on Sunday. He had asked me if I was ok, and I said I was, he didn’t believe me…he knows me too well. I really just felt like since it was Mother’s Day that I was missing my kids a little extra. It wasn’t until I was looking into the sweet face of this sleeping little person next to me that I could put into words what I was feeling.
It was Mother’s Day and I am spending my day with someone else’s child and my children are spending their day with someone else’s mother…
Saying those words to my husband brought tears to my eyes. He reached across the seat and rubbed my cheek and told me he loved me. If my kids have to be with someone else’s mother on Mother’s Day, I am glad it is with Jesse’s mom. She is absolutely wonderful, and even though I have only spent 45 minutes with her (and her hubby) I love them so much! They spent last year with her too, but I didn’t feel “this” way last year, so why do I this year?
Izayah…he is why I feel this way!! I in no way shape or form mean that in a bad way…but it was definitely his presence in our lives that brought on these feels. We started out as strangers, not knowing what to do with each other or the situation that we had all been thrust into, but here we were. On that cold October morning, we saw a crying, scared little boy who had no idea who we were, where he was or why he was with us or what was going on. What he saw was probably very similar…a couple of confused adults, worried for this little person who was so upset, and trying desperately to let him know that he was going to be ok…that he could trust us to make sure of that!
I won’t go into details, because as I have said, even though he is our nephew, he is also our Foster Child so that does add another layer to the equation. But I digress, fast forward to where we are today…Oh. My. Goodness what a change, what a difference, what a crazy ride. It’s only natural that after 7 months of living with us that we have all bonded in a way that can only be described as unique.
Some day, I would like to do another post here about our experience as a whole with the Foster Care system, but for now, one thing that I want you who have read this far to know is that parenting someone else’s child is hard. It takes strength, a special kind of patience, lots of love, and the knowledge that your heart will get broken….several times. But let me tell you something else…it’s worth it. To watch him transform from who he was when he came to us to who he is now has been absolutely amazing and to know that we had a part in that…no words can describe.
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think. But the important thing is, even if we’re apart…We’ll always be with you.
Keeping it Real 